Take it from one – adult friendships can get complicated.
Between work, relationships (marriages for some), and the mental load to survive this economy, it’s hard enough to keep friends, let alone figure out if they’re actually good for you.
Sometimes, the same person who’s been by your side for years can slowly start making you feel small, guilty, or emotionally exhausted… and you can’t even pinpoint when it started.
The painful truth is, not every friendship is meant to last forever.
And learning to tell the difference between a healthy and a toxic one is one of the most underrated forms of self-care.
So, let’s unpack what these two types of friendships really look like.
Signs of a Healthy Friendship
It’s not picture-perfect – you’ll always have disagreements, but it feels steady like you can breathe around them.
1. They’re genuinely happy for your wins.
No fake smiles, no “must be nice” comments. When you achieve something, they’re cheering loudest — even when their own life feels stuck.
2. They’re honest, but kind.
They’ll call you out when you’re wrong, but never in a way that’s cruel. Their goal isn’t to embarrass you, it’s to help you grow.
3. They respect boundaries and time.
Healthy friends understand that everyone leads different lives. Maybe you can’t talk every day and that’s fine. The friendship doesn’t crumble just because there’s silence in between.
4. They push you to become better.
They remind you of your worth, motivate you to chase your dreams, and call out your self-doubt.
5. They apologise when necessary.
A real friend values the relationship more than their ego. They’ll own up to mistakes and work things out instead of ghosting or pretending nothing happened.
6. They really listen.
You don’t have to filter your emotions or walk on eggshells. Whether you’re celebrating or venting, you feel seen and heard.
7. They bring peace, not pressure.
Conversations don’t feel like emotional tug-of-war. After hanging out, you feel lighter, not drained.
8. They grow with you.
You might evolve into different versions of yourselves, but a healthy friendship adapts. You both give space for each other’s growth without resentment.
Signs of a Toxic Friendship
A toxic friendship doesn’t always scream “bad.”
Sometimes it starts as small comments, passive-aggressive jokes, or emotional manipulation disguised as concern.
Over time, though, it chips away at your confidence and peace of mind.
1. They constantly try to outshine you.
You share something good, and suddenly, they’ve done it better. It’s a competition you never agreed to join.
2. They gaslight you.
Firstly, gaslighting means making someone question their reality. In other words they’re twisting situations so you start doubting your own feelings or memory. Think: “You’re overreacting,” “I never said that,” or “You’re imagining things.
3. They only show up in good times.
They’re the life of the party, but when you’re going through something heavy, they disappear. Support should be mutual, not conditional.
4. They’re high-maintenance and emotionally demanding.
They expect constant attention and validation and if you don’t deliver, you’re accused of being distant or uncaring.
5. They guilt-trip you.
You’re made to feel bad for setting boundaries or spending time with other people. Somehow, everything becomes your fault.
6. They gossip a lot.
If they talk badly about others to you, chances are they’re doing the same behind your back.
7. They invalidate your feelings.
Instead of listening, they minimise what you’re going through. Think responses like “It’s not that bad,” “You’re too sensitive,” or “Other people have it worse.”
8. They use you as emotional dumping ground.
You’re their therapist, cheerleader, and crisis hotline rolled into one but when you need support, they’re nowhere to be found.
9. You leave every interaction feeling worse.
If hanging out with someone consistently leaves you anxious, insecure, or exhausted, that’s your body telling you something’s off.
Not Every Friendship Is Meant to Last Forever
It’s hard to admit when a friendship has turned toxic, especially if there’s history.
But sometimes, protecting your peace means walking away. You don’t owe anyone lifelong loyalty if the relationship keeps hurting you.
Healthy friendships don’t demand your energy. Instead they make you laugh louder, think clearer, and feel like yourself again.
So, take a moment to look around you and ask yourself: who are the people that make you feel grounded, inspired, and at ease? Those are your keepers.