We all run into this kind of person in our lives, the toxic beings that show their real face too late.
The ones who make us feel like we’re crazy, like we’re never good enough.
An ex-lover you saw too late, a terrible workspace you had to stay with, a backstabbing friend, maybe even your own family. Anyone is susceptible to this kind of manipulation and harm.
If you somehow managed to get away, great for you, you deserve so much better.
Right now, we’re looking at you and how it can be hard to be to find the person you used to be.
While it’s impossible to go back to exactly that (and honestly, you wouldn’t want to), there are still ways to move forward to those greener pastures you deserve.
Allow Yourself to Process
The first part of fixing any problem is acknowledging what went wrong.
Most people would rather move on and forget traumatic situations, but that will cause some serious damage down the road.
Denial can only protect you for so long. You can’t let a wound keep festering just because cleaning and bandaging it hurts like hell.
You’re allowed to rage about what they did to you. You’re allowed to cry over the time you lost. And you’re allowed to miss the person you thought they were, even while hating who they actually turned out to be. All of these feelings can exist at the same time, and that’s completely normal.
Try New Things
Whether it’s crocheting, rock climbing, or learning to make sourdough bread, picking up a new hobby can be surprisingly healing.
There’s something powerful about discovering you can create something or master a skill that has absolutely nothing to do with the person who hurt you.
Toxic people have a way of making everything about them.
They infiltrate your interests, your friend groups, your favourite restaurants, you can’t go anywhere without thinking of them.
Starting fresh with something completely new gives you space that’s entirely yours.
And much like Taylor Swift with her music, you can turn this spiteful power into productivity if that’s your thing!
Journaling Your Feelings
Journaling might sound like something your high school guidance counsellor would suggest, but hear us out.
Much like making a to-do list or jotting down your grocery needs, writing down your experiences and feelings can be a way to get them out of your brain where they’re just spinning around making you miserable.
You don’t have to be Shakespeare about it. Just dump whatever’s in your head onto paper or into your notes app, who cares about format.
Some days you might write pages, other days just a few angry sentences. The point isn’t to create literature – it’s to stop carrying all that weight around in your skull.
If you’re more of a talker than a writer, find someone safe to vent to.
Maybe it’s your best friend, your mum, or even just your cat (they don’t judge!) Just get those thoughts out of the echo chamber in your mind, it’s better having someone to talk to.
Touch Some Grass
This sounds stupidly simple, but fresh air and sunlight can actually help reset your nervous system.
You don’t need to become a hiking enthusiast overnight, but even sitting in a park or taking a walk around your neighbourhood can help calm the chaos in your brain.
Nature doesn’t care about your drama, and sometimes that perspective is exactly what you need.
Plus, it’s free, which is always a win.
Talk to a Therapist
Finding a good therapist can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack made of other needles, especially depending on where you live or what your insurance covers.
Having someone trained to help you untangle this toxic mess can be a game-changer, if you can swing it.
A therapist isn’t there to tell you what to do, or judge you for making “bad choices.” Sometimes that outside perspective is exactly what you need to see the situation clearly.
They’re like having a neutral referee in the boxing match between you and your own thoughts.
They might not have all the answers, but sometimes a simple push in the right direction is what you’ll need.
Never Ever Ever Go Back
Here’s the hard truth: toxic people won’t let you go easily.
They’ll hover like vultures until they can get you back in their grasp.
They might try to convince you they’ve changed, send their allies to guilt-trip you, or show up with apologies and promises that sound almost believable.
Don’t fall for it.
Leopards don’t change their spots, and you don’t drink poison just because you’re thirsty.
They showed you who they really are, believe them the first time.
Their flying monkeys might try to drag you back with guilt trips about “forgiveness” or “giving second chances.”
If there is no apology, there is no forgiveness, full stop.
Karma might take its sweet time, but the best revenge really is living well.
Focus on rebuilding your life in a way that makes you genuinely happy, not in a way that’s designed to make them jealous or prove a point.
You’re not responsible for fixing toxic people, teaching them lessons, or showing them what they lost.
You’re responsible for you, and that’s actually pretty liberating once you get used to it.
You deserve relationships and situations that don’t require you to shrink yourself or question your own reality. And now you know that, which means you’re way less likely to settle for less than you deserve ever again.