No one wakes up one day and thinks, I’d love to be the other girl today.
It usually starts as something less noticeable, like a conversation that keeps on playing in your mind or a connection that feels ‘easy’.
Someone who listens, remembers, and shows up in ways that make it feel like they want to be there.
Unfortunately, I get it.
When I was younger, I was the other girl.
But before we stay invested in my story – this was a high school relationship; we were fuelled by the magic of youth and the kind of emotions that take you to another world. It meant almost everything at the time, and eventually after almost 8 years of relationship, it meant almost nothing.
Here is the thing – I didn’t know what I was getting myself into at first.
I found out through inconsistencies that didn’t quite add up, explanations that had too many pauses, and a call from an unknown number that was meant to put me in my seat – and of course, a lot of stalking on Tumblr (iykyk).
While the rules of teenage relationships don’t fully apply to adult ones, the behaviour patterns often do.
So, from someone who has been the other girl, discovered there was another girl, and eventually decided to be the only girl – here are a few things worth paying attention to, no matter how love-drunk you are.
1. You only exist in certain time slots
If you mainly see him late at night, between plans, or when his schedule “suddenly opens up”, pay attention.
People make time for what they don’t want to lose – even the ones trying to make the country a better place. (P/S – BASS ’cause we’re obsessed.)
2. He shares ‘feelings’
He’ll tell you how stressed he is, how lost he feels, how misunderstood he is – just enough for you to feel empathy.
But you don’t know where he actually is most days. Who he spends weekends with. What his life looks like.
3. You never meet the people who matter
Friends don’t know about you; family definitely doesn’t, and you exist outside the ecosystem of his life.
If someone is serious about you, you become part of their entire being.
4. Plans are last-minute or vague
“Let’s see.”
“I’ll let you know.”
“Maybe later.”
Do these sound familiar? You’re always waiting, never scheduled or on time, always tightly scheduled.
5. Your needs are treated like pressure
The moment you ask for consistency, reassurance, or definition, the tone shifts.
You’re suddenly “asking too much”.
“Moving too fast.”
“Overthinking.”
You eventually believe him because fed with a lie enough times, you’ll actually start to believe it.
6. There’s always a story about why now isn’t the right time
Bad timing, a complicated past, work stress – just never ready.
We get it, life is fast-paced, but if he really wanted to be with you, he’d choose.
7. You feel relief instead of security
You feel relieved when he texts, relieved when plans happen, relieved when nothing goes wrong.
Why? Because your subconscious knows, and you’re just justifying his actions without realising it.
Run, Girl, Run
This is the part we avoid because it ruins the fantasy.
The chemistry, the intoxication of love, the hope that if you just stay patient enough, understanding enough, he will be the one.
But if you’re reading this and feeling exposed, irritated, or seen, it’s not because I’ve said anything new – it’s because you already knew.
No woman needs a list to know when she’s being sidelined – you feel it literally in your bones, and p/s: your friends will not like him.
Close the tab, trust yourself and pick someone that wants to show you off.